


Bravery, Babies, and how Loki saved the universe after all

by Kingkinks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Emotional Manipulation, Forced Pregnancy, Grooming, Implied Sexual Content, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Multi, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Snippets, Torture, Unhealthy Relationships, and also canonically queer!, im not tagging this mpreg b/c i dont like that word, loki is one of them b/c he is a shapeshifter, some men are capable of reproduction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-10-07 09:38:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17363576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingkinks/pseuds/Kingkinks
Summary: Canon divergence for Infinity War and Endgame.Loki bargains his womb in a bid to keep Thor and the rest of their people alive on the Statesman, confident that his lover can put an end to Thanos in the long run. But when the Avengers fail and the snap happens Loki is forced to follow through on his agreement.Warning: lots of emotional/sexual/physical abuse. this is not a happy story for a long, long time and Loki will suffer loads.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to my first fic! <3 
> 
> I made this account specifically so I could post nasty, nasty shit that I can never tell any of my friends and family about LMFAO! 
> 
> I've literally had this idea in my head since I saw IW for the first time almost a year ago! I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS!

Loki hid, among the wreckage, his heart pounding in his throat. Despite all that he had done, all he had been through, he did not in his wildest dreams imagine being at the crux of Thanos’ rage among the people who had once tossed him into an abyss. 

He never thought that the mad titan would make it this far nor manage to track him down. 

Thanos was discussing something wretched with Thor and Loki watched with rapt attention, his mind rushing as he tried to think of what cards he had left to play. Seeing Thor restrained made his stomach twist in all sorts of awful ways. He had assumed that Thanos would leave them alone after he provided the tesseract, but he had been terribly, terribly wrong. 

He did have one card left, but the thought of playing on such a wretched, ages-old agreement made him want to throw up. The idea of letting such a monster touch him, let alon- 

But Loki knew that Thanos would not stop unless he intervened. With two stones and an army of followers, he would continue to ravish the universe until he got what he wanted. The only people Loki knew who could stop him had once held himself captive, a wielder of two stones himself. Despite their misgivings then Loki could not imagine a better-suited group of people to take down the mad titan. 

They would need Thor. And Banner. And the vessel Korg had taken just minutes before Thanos had stepped aboard. 

He had one last card to play. 

He swallowed his pride, perhaps the only thing he really had going for him, and stepped out. 

\-- 

“If I might interject-”

He raised his hands and put on a smile, “If you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena.” 

Thanos was unimpressed, “If you consider failure experience.”

“I consider experience, experience,” Loki countered.

He raised his hands, careful to keep the blades hidden in his sleeves in place. If all else failed Loki could nail in him the jugular until the wrinkled bastard choked on blood. 

“Let me explain myself. I know that you have no plans of stopping your journey and that no one will stand in your way,” Loki started, trying to keep his voice even, “I am a creature mainly for my own comfort, you know this as well as I do. You made an offer to me once, one that I now regret turning down. An offer to stand by your side as a provider of sorts.” 

Thanos snorted, “Do you really expect me to believe that you’ve had such a sudden change of heart?”

Loki did not falter, “No, but I will be faithful in that offer now if you will spare not only my life, but all of those remaining alive among this vessel. You are unstoppable now. I would be a fool to let you leave without establishing my security. You, of all people, should know how much I value my security.” 

Thor looked at him wildly, obviously confused, and Loki hoped that Thanos would remain as vague as Loki was. 

Thanos was silent for a bit, his fist a glimmering reminder of the power he now held, and stared at Loki. Loki tried not to grimace under the gaze. 

“If you agree to this, I will never let you go little one. You will give your life to me if you survive my plans. You will never again see, “ He gestured outwards, “these people you are sacrificing yourself for, nor the brother you have seemingly grown to love once more.” 

Loki swallowed, “I, Loki, prince of Asgard,” He took a step closer, “Odinson, the rightful king of Jotunheim, God of Mischief,” And another, “Do hereby pledge to you, my undying fidelity.” 

He kneeled then, his eyes plastered to the burnt remains of their ship, and tried not to think about how Thor was probably dying inside. 

Thanos reached a hand down and pet him gently, a seemingly kind gesture, but it represented nothing by danger to Loki. Suddenly, he realized all at once what he had done and he looked up at Thanos then, expression torn. 

“Come, up now. No consort of mine will let their knees touch such a wretched ground,” The hand that was once on his hair slid down to his neck. 

Loki shivered. 

He turned to his brother and wished he had not for Thor’s eyes were full of anger and hurt that pierced Loki’s feeble heart. 

And in a flash, they were gone. 

\----- 

Thanos placed him into the basement of some house nestled in rolling hills. Loki had no idea what planet they were on. His arms were locked in magic inhibiting shackles and he was stripped down to his underwear. Thanos thankfully left promptly once he had secured the God.

Loki prayed that he would never return. 

\-----

Loki screamed when the universe was cut in half, his seidr crying out in agony as the balance of souls was abruptly disrupted. His sacrifice had been for nothing. Loki didn’t even know if Thor was alive. 

He cried and heaved, his screams reaching no one but the echoes of Thanos’ chambers among the flower fields. 

\-----

When Thanos returned, he was spitting blood onto the floor. Loki had been in the basement for barely a day. He ached to have died in the snap. 

When he spotted the source of the titan's pain, he was sure that the only one who had committed such an act had been Thor. No mortal, no matter how powerful, would have been able to slight his captor. A blossom of hope bloomed in his chest at the thought that at least Thor was still alive. Thank the realms. Loki's sacrifice had not been entirely in vain. 

Why Thanos had apparently come down to visit Loki upon his return, with gore slipping past his lips and the stones barely clinging to life in the shell of his glove, was beyond the God. Loki glared at him. 

“You’re alive,” Thanos commented. 

“Sadly,” Loki responded bitterly. 

“Oh? Where’s the loyalty you showed me earlier?” Thanos asked.

“It never existed you swine,” Loki spat, “I would never dream of becoming your breeding mate.”

Thanos chuckled, “You gave your word little one. Now that my plans are finished I plan to spend the rest of my life enjoying what I deserve. That includes you.”

Loki struggled against his bonds, his eyes full of rage and grief, “You can’t keep me here forever! The minute you let me out I’ll slit my wrists and bleed all over your stupid little house.” 

Thanos sat then, his body letting out a deep sigh, and leveled his eyes with the trickster, “We both know that’s not true, you coward. You desire life more than you despise me. Besides, we have the rest of time to get to know each other. In time, you will learn to love me and our children.” 

Loki hated that he was right. 

He did not what else to do but to cry, to sob for the loss of his people and his life, and for the future loss of their children. The children he would inevitably love. 

\---

Thanos left him eventually and returned upstairs, switching off the ceiling bulb as he went. Loki was left in tortuous darkness. 

He considered his options. 

He could continue to let Thanos torture him down here or he could give into the man and get it over with. He was, deep down, a coward of the strongest sorts. His expertise was with words, with tricks and magic, but with none of that at his disposal he was left with what little he had to bargain with. He did not, under any circumstance, want to carry child with that monster, but Loki knew that Thanos would not let him rot away. He would keep him here until Loki was begging for children, begging to be let up and away from this hellhole. 

But that fear was too strong for Loki, too much to bear, and so he shut it away. He would let death take him the minute Thanos hesitated, he decided. He would plead with Hela for the release that he knew she would most likely give him. As long as Thanos let him get close enough, he could die without ever letting the titan get near him. He just had to be strong. Thanos could not bring him back from death, no matter how powerful the stones are, and Loki just had to be strong enough to get there. 

And so. He continued to sit. 

\----- 

Thanos brought food down periodically, but Loki let it all rot. The small, unfinished basement on whatever godforsaken planet they were on was beginning to smell rank (as was Loki, without his magic to perform cleaning spells on himself). He was also beginning to lose control of his glamor, more and more blue appearing in patches on his skin everyday. He could not see said patches, but he could feel the chill of them against the warmth of the Aesir skin.

His stomach ached and his mouth burned to drink, but he refused everything the titan brought. He would not give up his one chance of freedom, his future children’s freedom, even if that freedom could only be achieved through death. 

There were no windows in the basement to allow him to tell the passing of time, and so he sat slowly drifting away unsure of how long it had been. But for him to be this starved, almost gaunt, he imagined it had been quite a long time. Jotuns were resilient, yes, but they still required nourishment as all living things do. Perhaps not as often as an Asgardian or mortal, but enough to keep the body pumping. 

The darkness of the basement was slowly inching up on him. It was awful. But he knew that this torture would be nothing compared to carrying a titan's children.

Thanos was slowly repairing himself. The wound that once covered him in crimson now sat under bandages Loki wished to rip off so he could plunge his hand into Thanos chest to crush his heart. Which was probably a foolish plan, to be honest, as Loki wasn’t sure such a cruel being had a heart to begin with. 

“Loki, give in,” Thanos said to him one day. He had given up bringing nourishment, but he had still not cleaned up the food Loki continued to reject. The smell was horrid. 

“No,” Loki coughed out, “I have been a coward my entire life, I will not fail here.”

Thanos shook his head, “You still don’t seem to understand how much time we’ve got on our hands together. I can wait as long as you can.”

Loki chuckled, “We’ll see about that.”

Thanos went back upstairs and closed the door, the sliver of light that Loki had been allowed to see closed off once more, leaving him in darkness.

After a while, Loki began to lose his mind. 

Hallucinations appeared to him, so vivid and startling that he was not sure what was real and what was not. Thanos hadn’t come down in a while and Loki hoped he was dead. He better be dead. Maybe that big wound had come down with a nasty infection that left the beast rotting in his kitchen like a stupid purple idiot. Loki was only sad he was not there to spit on the corpse. 

He moaned and cried, his stomach so empty it did not scream at him anymore, only ached and ached and ached-

He had lost control of his glamor completely and he could feel the weight of his horns on his head, a sad reminder of the façade his life had always been. He missed his mother. He missed Thor. The basement was cold as a winters day now, a result of his Jotun form. How he hated it. 

Fuck Odin. Fuck Odin and his lies and his cheating and his-

“Oh my love, what have you done,” Mother was there, holding his face in her hands. She was so soft, so fair, so good. She taught him magic! Oh how he wished he could use his magic again! 

“Mother, please, get me out of here, please-”

She kissed his forehead and he wondered how she wasn’t getting frostbite, “Shush my child, not yet. You have to be strong for Thor.”

He cried as she went away. He missed her dearly. How he missed her. Why couldn’t she have survived? 

Thor would appear to him constantly. Sometimes it would be the Thor from his time, warm and confident and loving, who kissed him on the Statesman many times. Who made love to him as they had never before, deliberate and comforting. Sometimes it was the Thor of his bad decisions who was filled with nothing but anger and guilt, whose hands would often find their way to his throat during their sex, but would never touch Loki anywhere else. 

He hated that Thor most of all. Even more than the boisterous Thor of his youth who did nothing illicit at all, but would simply sit and laugh with Loki, a vision of times gone by, and Loki wished desperately to be dead. 

Maybe he was already dead! Maybe he had already reached death! Perhaps he was about to slip into Hel. Hela would be there, probably really upset, but what else could she do if he was already dead? 

Oh and Heimdall. Would he be angry or proud that Loki managed to die? He didn’t know. 

Time had passed. So much time. He didn’t know how much though. His body was wasting away, nothing more than bones and tears and empty promises. He had given in to munching on rotten food, despite how his stomach protested, hoping that perhaps a hefty bout of food poisoning would be the trigger to send him into the beyond. 

No luck. Just vomit. 

Now the basement smelled acrid and awful. Littered with his feces as well. He had no idea where he was or what time it was or what he had come here for- 

He slept. And when he woke he was plagued with the visions of the past and the present and all that he hoped would never come. 

\------ 

Suddenly, like a light had been turned on, he felt it. 

A soul, born within him, was fighting to survive. And it was then that Loki knew that the rules of the game had changed. Cowardice slipped away as he was suddenly filled with the to urge to live. His magic had been cut off for so long, he hadn't been paying attention. Oh gods! He had to do something!

Thor had left him a gift.


	2. Truth and Consequence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful response on this fic! I'm glad you all like it, and I can't wait to write more for y'all! Here's chapter 2 :3

“I yield! I yield! Please-please let me out of here! LET ME OUT-!” 

He thrashed on the floor, mindful of his stomach, and fought as hard as he could. He would not lose this. No matter what happened next, he could not lose this. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t recognized it sooner.

He didn’t know hardly anything anymore, not in this darkness, but what he did know was that suddenly there was this little life inside him that had to live! It had to live for him and Thor and all the universe that was still out there.

He screamed. He yelled. Thanos had to be up there and if he wasn’t, there had to be someone else living on this fucking planet. He had to try.

With the last of his strength he pulled at his bonds, but all he ended up doing was slipping onto his face. Covered in grime he still fought, he still screamed bloody murder at the door that must be somewhere in all this darkness. The door to the light that would let him out-! 

He yelled until his lungs were burning and his throat could produce no more noise. He collapsed in a choked sob, his fingers curling into the ground as he tried to push himself back up. He couldn’t-he couldn’t- 

Maybe Thanos really was dead.

“I can-I can’t lose you-” He sobbed. 

He curled in on himself to cry. He was so confused. He didn’t want to lose Thor’s gift. He couldn-t do this anymore. 

“Mother, mother please give me strength,” He mumbled. 

Uncountable moments passed, so much so that it felt like an eternity had passed for Loki, until he heard the creak of the door. 

“I’m here, little one,” Thanos, that bastard, answered. 

Loki did not even have the strength to lift his head. And so, as the mad man lifted him out of his shackles and into his arms, Loki buried his smile in the chest of his captor, knowing that if Thor could see him now, he would be so proud. 

He had, for once, abandoned cowardice. 

\---- 

Thanos cleaned him carefully, his strokes kind and soft. Some time between the basement and the bath he had placed a collar on Loki, akin to the shackles that held back his magic. The world was fuzzy, nothing but shapes and sounds, and the light hurt his eyes. Everything was too hot, and he struggled.

“Shush now, I’ve got you,” Thanos cooed. It made his skin crawl.

But it was not in vain, he told himself, nothing would ever be in vain for the light Thor had given him. Others may have thought himself foolish for not letting both their lives end instead of subjecting them to torture. But Loki could not let the child of Thor die at his hands. He could not. He would raise and hide this child alongside Thanos until it was powerful enough to kill its father. And Loki knew that someday it would be. 

It would bring a storm down so powerful it would singe the ground for miles around. Their child would be unstoppable. 

Loki banked on it. 

He must’ve been smiling for Thanos paused in his terrible ministrations, “What is amusing you, trickster?’

Loki shook his head, “Jus happ to be up here.”

Thanos chuckled, “As am I to have you here.”

Loki smiled as Thanos continued to tend to him. 

He had won. 

\-----

Loki slept well despite the circumstances and awoke to light for the first time in god knows how long. He was in a bed, fluffy and light, and he could actually stretch all his limbs. 

His glamor had been restored somehow. 

The room was lightly furnished, nothing more than large bed and two side tables. Some relics, most likely collected by the titan during his homicidal travels, sat on a set of drawers on the right side of the room. There was a crib set up in the corner and Loki tried not to think about that too much. He turned to the window instead, taking in the fields of yellow he had briefly seen when Thanos had first brought him here. It was, in all respects, a lovely little home. Sweet and small, perfect for raising a family, and Loki hated that Thanos got to have it all. 

At least, Loki reasoned, his and Thor’s son would have a lovely place to grow up in. 

Alongside a horrible father, Loki told himself, but he would work hard to inspire hate in his child. He would work very, very hard. He was an expert in hating ones father, after all. 

He settled into his bed and took a deep breath. He was still shaky, but he knew that his recovery would be fast. He would need Thanos to-to bed him soon if he were to keep up the illusion of being without child. If the titan found out about the light already inside him, he would kill Loki in an instant. This he knew for sure. 

He readied himself for the role he was about to play.

Mother. Caring partner. Caregiver. Homemaker. All things he thought he would never be. He had never been able to be a mother to his children before this, all ripped from his hands by Odin before he’d even been able to call them his own. Thor never knew about any of that. How Loki longed to tell him someday. Tell him of all his children. Perhaps some of them were still alive. Loki wished he could see them too. 

He shook those thoughts out of his head. If there was one thing he was good at, it was being a liar. Not even the titan who slayed half the universe would be able to resist the charm of Loki, God of Mischief. This he knew for sure. 

Well, he had put off the inevitable long enough. 

“Hello?” Loki called. 

He heard the house creak as Thanos obviously got up in response. There was a pause, then a series of footsteps as the giant made his way to the room, their room (Loki grimaced), and entered. He carried a tray with a jug of water, an empty cup, and a drink of some sort, similar looking to the “smoothies” Thor loved so much on Earth.

He placed the tray down on one of the bedside tables before sitting softly on the bed at Loki’s feet, eyes soft. Loki despised them none the less. 

“You’re finally awake, little one,” Thanos said. 

“How long was I asleep?” Loki asked, genuinely curious. 

Thanos began to pour the water into the cup, his motions careful. Loki realized that he would have to keep his guard up. Thanos meant to groom him. 

“A week. You came in and out of it, but you never regained consciousness,” Thanos told him, handing him the now full cup. 

Loki took a careful sip and relished in the feeling of water against his throat, “I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother.”

“None at all. You didn’t say anything, just mumbles, but I was at least able to get some food and water into you. We need to build up your strength,” Thanos told him, reaching out a hand to place it on his thigh. 

Loki’s skin crawled in response. 

“Thank you,” He said meekly in return. 

“It is I who must be thanking you. I am glad you decided to come to your senses,” He replied. 

Loki flushed, trying to look embarrassed, but the red of his cheeks was fueled by nothing but pure anger, “I was simply throwing a tantrum. Thor was usually on the receiving end of it before you.” 

The hand on his thigh tightened at the mention of his former brother. Ah. Ok. Don’t discuss Thor. Got it. 

“I assume it won’t be happening again?” Thanos said, voice low for a moment. 

Loki smiled, “No. Of course not. I’ve come to my senses. Besides, I have to repay you for all that you’ve done for me. A week is a long time to be in someone else’s care.”

The grip loosened. 

“You do not have to repay me at all, we are partners now. You will receive nothing but kindness from now on as long as you give me the same in return,” Thanos told him.

Loki placed the glass down on the tray and let one of his hands reach out to lay atop the hand on his own thigh. His fingers shook, but he supposed it played into the image he was building up for himself, “Of course.” 

Thanos bristled with pleasure at that. Good move. 

The titan relaxed his posture and fell back into himself. His size was truly intimidating, but Loki had taken down bigger foes in the past. 

“At first, I was excited to build my empire. ut now that I have accomplished my goals, I suppose a family is more appropriate,” He started, “One day, I will make them into warriors. Imagine, the children of a Frost Giant and a Titan, some of the most powerful beings in the universe. But we shall raise them here, in this home. I would like to bring a change in my tactics. A change that starts with you, little one, and the family we create together.”

He laced their fingers together and Loki wanted to throw up. 

He’d have to learn to get rid of those awful responses. Or at least train them in. 

“I want roots. I want memories. Things I never got to enjoy being a tyrant. For now, we have plenty of time to do the things I never got to do. Have you ever had family, trickster?” Thanos asked.

“Not a proper one,” Loki said immediately, the sentence not altogether false.

Thanos liked that answer too and Loki inwardly praised himself for being so quick despite his long sleep, “Good. Then this shall be new for the both of us.”

Loki let Thanos kiss his forehead and pretended to be as happy as a preened bird. 

\---- 

Another week passed of recuperation before Loki was finally allowed to walk around and eat solid foods. His magic was still restricted, but he had learned that Thanos had fixed his glamor with the reality stone. Said that his Jotun form was freezing everything in the house. 

But as the strength of not only his body, but his relationship with Thanos (he shuddered at that), grew, he realized that it was time to lay on a charm he wished not to have ever used in his lifetime. The one destined to make bad memories. 

He would start to show soon.

Thanos had to pretend to impregnate him before then, otherwise Loki would be out of a scheme entirely. He would not let Thor nor his child down. An early birth would not be suspicious, especially considering that Loki had never heard of a Frost Giant and a Titan uniting in such a way. Who knows what that would make. 

And so, he played on the charm. 

He had been allowed to do some kitchen duties, under Thanos’ watchful eye, but today was the first day he had been allowed to do them without that eye. Thanos was out in the garden, planting seeds that would eventually sprout into produce for their family. He did work hard, Loki gave him that, and it would be even more satisfying to see him dead, but good things come to those who wait.

It was nearing dark, the sun nothing more than a fat sliver on the orange horizon. Thanos had been out working for hours now and Loki was nearing done with their dinner. 

He knew he had to succeed tonight. 

When Thanos re-entered the house, right as the sun was slipping beyond the mountains, Loki was quick to meet him at the entrance with a towel and a welcoming grin. 

“You looked wonderful out there, darling,” Loki said.

He’d brought in the pet names a few days before and the charm was paying off. Thanos was more and more comfortable around him in every moment. 

Thanos smiled and took the towel to dry his sweat. He had apparently removed his shirt during his work. It allowed Loki to study the deep scar Thor had probably left in the titan, ugly and jagged and thick with new skin. Loki felt a swell of pride rise up within himself. 

Thanos handed him back the towel, soggy and gross, “Thank you, my love. Is dinner ready?”

The pet names in return had not been so nice. But Loki took it in stride. Every time Thanos startled his defenses he would fill his mind with images of the man’s death, bloody and violent and deserving. He didn’t dare think of him and Thor, yet let a word slip of his inner thoughts. Those desires were much stronger than those of the titan’s death.

“Ready whenever you are,” Loki responded sweetly. 

As Thanos showered, Loki steeled his nerves even more. He prayed that if he could not at least block out the coming night, then the inevitable scars left by it wouldn’t be too deep. He hoped. He hated that he was making himself into the victim. 

It’s not like he hadn’t slept with people in the past to gain their favor before. It’s just, this time, it was kind of different.

Thanos returned and they ate, Loki perhaps scarfing down the meal a little quicker than he normally would. His nerves were out of control. Thanos noticed.

“Is everything alright?” He asked.

Better play into a truth, make it a half lie, than to lie outright, “It’s just-I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Thanos replied.

Loki twisted his hand in the tablecloth below, “I was wondering when we were going to start to make a family.”

Thanos’ eyes widened, and Loki was a little smug he had caught the man off guard, “Whenever you were feeling better.”

“Well,” Loki stated, “I’m better now.”

“I don’t want to push it-” Thanos began 

“-Oh please! I’ve been waiting so patiently and I just-I just don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to stand it,” Loki interrupted, pitching his voice high to sound desperate. 

Thanos was silent for a moment and Loki felt fear crawl its way up his throat, “Do not ever, ever interrupt me little one. Do not forget where you stand here.” 

Loki immediately nodded, that fear now hot along his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” He said. 

Satisfied, Thanos returned to his usual demeanor, “I understand that you are eager. I I am as well, but I did not want to make our first while you were still weak. I do not wish to hurt you.”

If that were really true, then you wouldn’t be keeping me here at all. 

Loki shook his head, “I’m recovered! Truly! Jotun’s are formidable creatures. We live in ice and snow all year round. If I did not believe I was ready, I wouldn’t have brought it up.”

He praised himself for recovering so quickly and ignored the voice in his head that was told him he was in way too deep for his own good. 

Thanos chewed and swallowed, “I trust you, my love. If you believe you are ready, then you are ready. When did you wish to attempt? Is there a better time for your cycle? I am not well versed on Jotun biology.”

During my heat, but you don’t need to know that, Loki thought to himself.

“Tonight, would be nice,” Loki responded quietly, feigning shyness. 

Thanos grinned, so wicked and awful that Loki almost quit it right there and then, but he managed a soft smile in return.

“Tonight it is.” 

What followed was not something Loki liked to talk about.


	3. Keeping your wits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back! I have to get in the mood to write, so I'm sorry if this fic comes out rather slowly! Thanks for sticking with me <3 
> 
> ;3; sorry its so short-!

When Loki awoke the next day, he had never been so thankful to be alone. In years past cold sheets had meant nothing but rejection. But in that moment, Loki cherished them. He held a hand to his stomach and felt the life inside of him pulse. Soon it would have its own connection to Seidr. He was sure that their child would be a powerful magic user.

He spent the next thirty minutes violently throwing up into the toilet in the connected bathroom, his stomach reacting not only to the pregnancy but to the events of the night prior. He could still feel the tyrant’s hands on his body, demanding and terrifying, and he did not dare look in the mirror out of fear of seeing the marks left upon his skin. He knew they were there by the ache against his bones. But if he saw them up close, he was not sure he could stop himself from crying out. 

\--- 

Within a few days, Loki put on a smile and told the titan he could feel that he was now expecting. A lie, of course, but one constructed entirely out of a desperate need. Loki had never felt this sort of dedication before in his life. He had not yet met Thor’s child, but he knew without doubt that he would very easily sacrifice the entire galaxy to keep it safe. 

Thanos was kind, as promised, but Loki learned very quickly what the titan excepted of him. 

Being with child seemed to soften the edges of Thanos, but Loki knew that a brute still lurked underneath. Loki was expected to be the perfect companion. His demeanor soft and inviting, no matter the circumstances. He was to be a home-maker, a care-giver. Things he had no experience in whatsoever. But he was not the master of lies for nothing.

Now that he was no longer weak from the torture he had experienced in the darkness under the floorboards, he learned that Thanos excepted him to be in charge of meal prep. He would receive some assistance due to his state, but barely. He was also responsible for cleaning the house as needed. Thanos handed him crafts he had made for their home, trinkets and such, and Loki would spend hours fidgeting with them. 

His pregnancy made him exhausted and on top of the façade he had created, he could feel his defenses weakening. 

It did not help that he had very restricted access to his magic, only enough to know that it was still there, and could feel the weight of the stone’s power holding his glamor in place. At least Odin’s magic had been unnoticeable, nothing but a twinge along his skin. 

It was then, that Loki made a mistake. 

They had been sitting in the living room, Thanos telling him of a tale of a journey he had made when he had met Gamora. Thanos hardly mentioned her, but Loki could tell the giant was still deeply attached despite being directly responsible for her death. How he was able to grapple with such cognitive dissonance was beyond the sorcerer. 

Loki’s nerves were particularly thin that day as the babe had been making his bowels toss and turn all afternoon. 

“She was truly a sight, my love, probably the strongest woman in the galaxy,” Thanos drabbled. 

Loki, without thinking, bit back, “Bet you feel foolish now.”

Silence rang out between the two and Loki realized with striking clarity that he had made a dire, dire mistake. 

“What did you say?” Thanos said, words laid down carefully between them. 

“I-I only meant-,” He back peddled. 

Thanos stood up suddenly, towering over the God, and Loki’s hand went instinctively to cover his stomach. The shadow of the titan was a powerful force, one that had Loki basically falling off his spot on the couch and pushed up against the wall. Thanos came very close then, his eyes darting down to Loki’s stomach. Loki tried not to show fear, but without full use of his magic and a babe growing within him there was little he could do to defend himself.

“I feel like you still unaware of your situation, shapeshifter,” Thanos said slowly, “I am not opposed to your snark, but disrespect is something I will not tolerate. I have no intentions of letting you leave, nor am I-,” he paused and moved a hand above Loki’s stomach, “averse to terminating this pregnancy to teach you a lesson.”

Loki’s blood ran cold and he looked up at Thanos, his heart falling into his stomach with a heavy thunk. 

“We have all the time in the world, little one. If it takes the death of a babe to knock sense into you, then it is what I will do. I can simply place another inside your womb,” Thanos said plainly. 

He had not, under any circumstances, accounted for the possibility that Thanos would inflict that level of cruelty onto an unborn child. 

He had been foolish. 

He had allowed himself to forget that the titan was a brutal maniac. He had not been careful enough; he had assumed that he held all the cards in this relationship. But he had been so deathly wrong. He knew this now, knew that salvation was far, far away. And that if he had any hopes of surviving, truly surviving, he would have to go completely under. There would be damage-trauma surely. But it was worth it. Loki had cowed away from many things that scared him in the past, and none of it had ever helped.

Somewhere he hoped that Thor felt his plight. Somehow. 

And so, he swallowed his fear down and cowered. 

“I-I’m so sorry. I meant no disrespect. I’m-I’m still adjusting and-and I’ve had a long day. I will not speak out of turn in the future, I promise,” he babbled. 

Thanos smiled softly, as if he were a kind lover, and it made Loki’s stomach turn inwards, “Good. If you are kind, Loki, then you will receive kindness in return.”

Loki nodded and accepted Thanos’ hands to place him back onto the couch. 

The panic remained. 

\--- 

It was later, Loki’s stomach now a sizable swell, that he finally realized how he was to survive. 

He would make Thanos fall in love with him.

It would take guts, it would take giving up part of himself up to the grooming, and it would change him forever. These were things Loki was sure of. But in order to retain his safety, to lift the heavy threat of Thanos’ violence just a little bit-he would have to earn the titan’s heart. The only silver lining was the satisfaction he would inevitably take in crushing it one day.

But he would comply. He would be sweet and submissive, he would spend each day as if nothing more than a contented bedwarmer-happy and provided. But he was also aware that Thanos would treat him with many kindnesses, perhaps enough to warp his own mind into staying for far longer than he should. Giving into the fantasy would leave him vulnerable to manipulation, but the exhaustion associated with resisting it was too high a risk. 

He began to concentrate his magic then, his trickle of access to his seidr, for days and days and days. He would work on it in the back of his head while bathing or preparing meals, while pretending he enjoyed the warmth of Thanos’ arms around his waist. He prepared and prepared and prepared- 

Finally, once his breasts had swollen and his stomach had dropped (indicating that he was only a few months from meeting his child) he created a tiny reminder. It was a piece of magic meant to go off in his mind if he had not managed to escape in three years. Three years, he believed, was a careful limit. A plan like this took time, it would not be achieved in an instant. It would remind him of his plan, of his will in the moment he created it, because he was unsure whether or not that will would remain if he allowed himself to truly fall under Thanos’ thumb. 

Regardless. He would wake himself up. He would escape. 

(he’d have to get Thanos to remove the collar at some point, but that was a problem for future Loki) 

And so, with that, he tucked the reminder in the back of his head and used magic to forget about it. His mind cleared, worries dissipating, and while he knew that Thanos was a mad man, that the child he carried and would soon deliver was Thor’s indeed, he had relived the fear in his heart of letting Thanos completely devour him. He would let himself be devoured.

But one day, he would claw his way out. 

\--- 

Loki was exhausted.

Not having access to his magic was one thing, but being a homemaker while nine months pregnant was another. And he was dealing with all three. 

He had been particular in encouraging Thanos to touch him, pet him gently, to respond to his flirts with kind words and gestures. Luckily, Titans were not madly sexual beings, so Loki was blessed from any more assault (for now). He would cook, clean, and provide companionship. Thanos was all sweet smiles and cuddles, as if his hands were not responsible for dozens of unspeakable atrocities. 

Then again, so were Thors. So were Loki’s in a way. Thanos was providing him a stable home, something he had never had. 

He almost looked forward to having a soft, domestic life. 

\--- 

Thanos came into the living room where Loki was working on writing down old nursery rhymes in calligraphy so he could assemble a book for his children. He didn’t want to forget the words of his own childhood, songs sung in sweet tune by Frigga. Thor had never been quiet enough to enjoy them, but Loki would spend hours listening to his mother’s voice after Asgard had gone to sleep. 

Thanos placed a kiss on his forehead, warm and soft, and Loki smiled. 

“How’re are you, little one?” Thanos asked, skin still slightly sweaty from working outside once again.

Loki stretched, “Tired. I can feel them shifting, I think I will deliver any day now.”

Thanos let out a proud rumble, a sound unlike any Loki had ever heard, “I cannot wait to meet them. I’m sure they’ll be strong, unlike any child ever born.”

Loki took a chance to praise, “Made stronger by the world you created, my love. They will not have to struggle as we did.” 

Thanos looked overwhelmingly pleased, cheeks high and raised, and Loki internally smirked, “At least someone understands. I knew that we were destined ever since I placed my eyes on you all those years ago.”

Loki shuffled a bit, trying to get comfortable as the babe kicked again (this was an unachievable task, but he could try), “I was so naïve then, how did you stand me?”

Thanos chuckled and finally sat down, “It was no easy task. But I saw so much potential in you, potential that others had simply ignored. You scared them and so their jealousy destroyed you in turn. You are a powerful creature Loki, they were fools to cast you out.”

“I just needed someone to guide me, I suppose,” Loki responded. 

Thanos reached a hand out and pet him gently, fingers tracing the top of his head before they gently tucked hair behind his ear, “I’m lucky it was me.”

They kissed softly as if they had been fools in love and Loki hated that he enjoyed the gentleness of his touches, that Thor was nothing more than a distant memory.

\---- 

The babe came two days later in the dead of night, labor pains jogging Loki into wake. He cried out, stomach tight and dreadful, and Thanos awoke quickly afterwards. 

It was blessedly quick, but Loki still cried up a storm, the pain unbearable. He had never delivered without the aid of healers before. He had no idea why anyone had subjected themselves to this torture before medicine was available. 

But the minute he heard the first cry, he knew it had been worth it. 

Thanos held him first, the stupid oaf crying over the babes’ pale blue skin and dark hair. Loki’s magic had willed it so, unconsciously protecting it. Fair skin and blonde hair would’ve resulted in nothing but death, a life taken within seconds. 

Loki whined for his child, instincts crying out when Thanos was taking too long admiring a child that would never be his. 

The minute his baby was settled, mouth still screaming as hard as it could, Loki knew that he had never felt love like this before. He would do anything for this little babe, anything in the world. All of his other children had been beasts, quick to grow and uncaring of sentiment. But this, this was a being that would need everything Loki could give. Would love him from this moment forward, no question. No one except his mother had loved him in such a way. 

He held him close and cried. Cried for the father his child may never meet, cried for himself, and cried for the children to come. 

He named him Vali.


	4. Reflections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!! 
> 
> Sorry this update took so long!! Consider this a nice little distraction from Endgame's impending influence. This is basically a re-write, a despite it being so dark right now it will get better! Thank you again for all your love and kudos, it really means the world to me. 
> 
> Also Shuri is alive FUCK Marvel. 
> 
> Finally! Thor's long awaited POV! :)

Thor looked out upon the fields of Wakanda, his fists tightly clenched, and wondered for the millionth time if he really deserved to be alive at all. He had lost his parents, his lover, and now half the universe had faded away because he had been too foolish – too rash perhaps – in his attempts to kill the madman responsible for it all. 

Loki’s smile flashed in his mind, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t feel the warmth of the other’s touch against his skin anymore. After years of struggle they had finally come together and been ripped apart before either had been able to truly get their fill. 

Although knowing himself and Loki, he figured they would probably never tire of one another. Not truly.

It had been months since the snap, and the Avengers had been simply wandering around the Wakandan capital- unsure of what to do. The Avenger’s compound sat in upper New York, but without Stark’s presence it seemed wrong to take foot inside it. Nebula had appeared a few days after the snap, but Stark was still missing. She claimed he had taken off without her, shaken and scared after watching the deaths of his friends. Especially their youngest. Thor couldn’t really blame him. She, luckily, had her own ship. 

Rogers was constantly tight with stress, stemming from both that of his fallen friend and the continued disappearance of Tony. Thor had always suspected there was something going on between them, but he had never caught sight of it himself. A lot had happened between the Midgardians while he was away, yet again reminding him of how short their lives really were. This was nothing but a blink in Thor’s eyes. 

And so, they lived day by day. The survivors. Banner. Rogers. The strange rabbit. A man who showed up and called himself Lang. The earth was shaken, and Thor had no idea what had had happened to his people who had escaped with Valkyrie and Korg. For all he knew he was the last survivor of his species. But he tried not to think about that too much, for even the simple idea of such a prospect sent him into a cold sweat that left him with a level of insomnia not even Stark had grappled with. 

He tilted his head back and rested it on the wall, relishing in the pressure. He wished that he could muster up the strength to try again, to track down the tyrant who had taken so much. But he found himself drowning in grief, for those he had lost and those he was unsure of. He missed Loki dearly. He could not get the sight of his lover’s eyes out of his mind, pleading and scared, as he was taken by the titan. He had never really gotten a good idea of what had conspired while Loki was living with Thanos all those years ago, but the few moments he had seen on the ruins of their ship filled him with a dread unlike any other. 

_No consort of mine_ , Thanos had said. 

He was broken out of his swirling thoughts at his comm chirping. Shuri had outfitted them all with strange beads that allowed them all to communicate easier. She was so young, but so strong to face her grief head on as a new Queen. He wished he had been more like her in his younger years. 

“Thor? Are you there?” Rogers called. 

Thor answered quickly, “Yes, is there a problem?”

Rogers seemed happier in responding now, “No actually. Anything but. Just, come down to the hanger area. There’s a woman here who says she knows you and a giant man made of…rocks?” 

Thor’s heart lurched into his throat.

Thank the Norns. 

_Please, please, be ok, he had said in his dreams, never expecting it to be true._

He shot up and darted down to the hanger as quickly as he could, almost tripping over his too-big-for-his-own-good feet before bursting outside and into Valkyrie to wrap her in a large hug. She squawked loudly, yelling curses as he lifted her off the ground in an embrace, but he had had so little hope lately – he needed this. 

“What do you think you’re doing, you big oaf!” Valkyrie said, but there was no heat in her voice. 

Thor didn’t respond, just hugged her tighter. She quieted and let out a gentle huff, soft and assuring, “It’s good to see you too, your Highness.”

Was he truly still a king? 

After a few moments, when he felt his heart had had its fill, he placed Valkyrie down gently. She looked worn out, tired beyond her years, and Thor imagined he did as well. 

“Hey! No hug for me, mate?” Korg asked jokingly. 

Thor quickly fixed that, uncaring of the sharpness of his friend. 

Once that had been established, Thor realized that they had not come alone. A few dozen, meager Asgardians had meandered out of the cramped escape ship, dazed and exhausted, but Thor had thought they never looked better. Hope beat loudly in his chest, and he for once felt alive again. When their eyes fell upon him they lit up with joy. He realized then that they had also been wandering in space, probably thinking him dead. He sent smiles back in return. 

He turned to Rogers, who was taking in the sights with huge eyes, and said, “Captain, these are my friends. Valkyrie and Korg. And these,” and he gestured outwards now, “are my people.”

“What’s left of them, that is,” Valkyrie commented. 

He knew she didn’t mean to hurt, but it still stung. 

He brushed it off as Shuri ushered his people inside, delegating the sick to the med bay and darting back and forth as she arranged accommodations. Thor could not be more grateful. He would have to make it up to her someday. 

“This is the best thing I’ve seen in weeks,” Lang said, once they had all re-grouped in one of the many living rooms. Romanov seemed moved as well, her eyes finally a little lighter. 

“Yes indeed,” Thor agreed, “This is tremendously good news.”

Korg had been taken to med bay to get Meek looked after, the little lump of a bug-man still sitting in the crook of Korg’s left arm. Valkyrie had joined the remainder of the Avengers in the living room, and Thor could tell she was bursting with questions. 

She hugged Banner first though, which seemed deeply appropriate. Banner hugged her back just as hard. 

“How did you survive so long in space?” Thor began as she settled onto one of the seats, sipping on some Wakandan ale he was sure Shuri had slyly slipped her. 

Valkyrie sighed, “Well it was difficult at first, given the fact that we had no idea where to go. We saw the explosion of the main ship from afar and figured you and Loki were nothing but dust. Never knew that half our passengers would be turning into dust themselves a day later.” 

They all grimaced at that.

“After that, I figured if there was any chance for us it would be on Midgard. You’d always sang the praises of the ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes,’ and I still had 150 Asgardians on board,” She explained, not missing the slight smiles brought to the Avenger’s faces at the mention of Thor’s bragging. 

“We stopped at midpoints - I wasn’t really sure where Midgard was – but I would bully the locals into some food and fuel before we’d move on to the next one. Never expected we’d actually get here in once piece. Or that you’d be alive,” She finished deftly with a heavy gulp. 

“I can’t express how happy I am that you’re here,” Thor replied. 

“Me too,” She grinned. 

The room seemed a bit happier after her story, a reminder than despite all that they had lost – there was still room for some hope. 

She sat up a bit then, clearing her throat with a burp, and looked at Thor, “Alright, you’ve quizzed me enough. How the fuck did you survive?”

“We picked him up when his Asgardian ass hit our windshield,” Rocket piped up from where he was perched by Nebula. 

Valkyrie eyed them both, “What about lackey?” 

Thor’s face fell then. 

“You never did tell us the details of how you got away,” Banner spoke. 

“It is,” Thor wrung his hands anxiously, “Not something I’ve truly processed myself.”

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, no need to force it,” Lang said, sweet Lang. 

Rogers nodded in agreement. Clint watched from the shadows, as did Romanov. Danvers was equally silent, but Thor could tell that all three were evenly interested. 

“No,” Thor replied, “I would like to tell the tale now. It has been a long time coming.”

And so, he somberly spoke of Loki’s sacrifice, Heimdall’s death, and the explosion that Thanos had put upon them anyways – despite what Loki had given up. He left out how long he had floated in space, wishing to be dead. He left out how Loki’s eyes shone with unshed tears, the anguish of his expression almost too much for Thor to bear. 

“Wait, when you say consort, do you mean like – a companion, or some sort of, you know-,” Banner asked. 

“I’m not truly sure,” Thor replied honestly, “Loki never told me the true details of his time with Thanos before New York.”

“Thanos was interested in Loki for procreation,” Nebula spoke, “As soon as that Jotun stepped foot upon our threshold, Thanos was grooming him. His escape to New York was the only thing that saved him.”

Clint snorted, “Escape? I don't know if you can really call a murderous rampage an _escape_.”

“He made his mistakes,” Thor growled, “But he was as much of a victim as Thanos as all of us are. Loki was not in his right mind during New York. I’d appreciate it if you did not slander him in front of me.”

Clint looked pissed, but remained silent.

Nebula continued, “Thanos has taken many consorts over the years when the children he stole off planets would not suffice for his plans. But finding a suitable being to carry a Titan’s spawn is difficult. That's why he was so interested in Loki. A powerful magical Jotun was the perfect carrier."

The words sent nausea down his throat. 

"Thanos only cared about the results, about his plans. It was never about love, no matter what he told himself," She spat. 

The last words were quiet and raw, but all Thor could focus on those that came before it.

“Isn’t Loki male? How could he have procreated?” Rogers questioned. 

“He’s Jotun,” Thor supplied, “They are not constrained within typical sex or gender roles as Midgardian’s are. Loki is also a shapeshifter, capable of many things. He has had children in the past, but they were all beasts.”

Valkyrie snorted, “Of course they were.”

“So, you’re saying,” Banner interjected, “That he gave himself up as breeding stock?”

Those words were like a slap to the face, but Thor nodded nonetheless, “I think so.”

Banner shook his head, “To think this was the same guy who tried to kill us seven years ago.”

“Tis but a blink in our lives,” Thor quoted himself. 

“S’true,” Valkyrie added on. 

Rogers looked pale, and Thor couldn’t blame him, “Do you think there’s any chance he’s still alive?”

Thor shrugged, “I do not know. On one hand, I wish for nothing more. But on the other, it terrifies me to think that he is alive within Thanos’ grasp.” 

“No kidding, I’d have blown my bits off if I were him,” Rocket said. 

“Thanks for that vivid image, rabbit,” Thor replied sharply. 

The room was silent then and Thor could feel the exhaustion in the air. Suddenly, all he had said was coming crashing down upon him again. He didn’t want to be here, in a room full of people who didn’t know Loki like he did. He didn’t want to look at faces full of grief, or Valkyrie’s suppressed trauma, and he most of all didn’t want to confront the truth. 

The truth that deep down, he knew Loki had most likely survived. Loki was the most resilient thing he had ever known. If there was anyone who had escaped the snap, it would be the God of Mischief. And even if he hadn't, Thanos had the gauntlet. He could bring him back easily. But the idea of him, being forced to carry spawn of such a horrible creature, made Thor want to throw up. 

The room was spinning, hot and heavy, and he shot up. He was full of energy coming from all directions, and he wanted nothing more than to get it out. 

“I’m going for a run,” He announced, “Danvers, would you care to accompany me?”

She was the only one that could keep pace with Thor, and he quite enjoyed her subtle company. 

She was up in an instant, perhaps also feeling the same buzz he was.

“Yes please, I could use some fresh air,” She replied, a soft smirk on her face. 

\----

They took laps until the sun was touching the horizon, for how many miles Thor did not know. Danvers was quiet while they ran, but after a while they were both panting with thirst. They collapsed in a field of wildflowers that overlooked the small farm Roger’s friend once inhabited. There were still a few goats wandering around and they lazily appraised the two blondes laying panting upon the earth. They were on their backs, limbs outstretched like giant starfish. They looked up into the sky, a smear of reds and oranges, stars chasing at their corners. 

It was breathtaking. 

After many moments, in which their breaths had finally returned to them, Danvers spoke. 

“I know what it’s like, you know,” She started. 

“Know what what’s like?” Thor replied 

“To know that someone you love is alive and well but know that there is nothing you can do to be with them,” She said.

He turned his head to look at her. Her words were heavier than those he typically heard as she mostly spoke in jokes to the team. 

“How so?” He inquired. 

She took a deep breath, “Before I was what I am now, I was just a regular human. Here. On Earth. But then a lot happened, and before I knew it I was this superhero with a mission that took me a long ways away from Earth. And I left the woman I loved behind.”

Thor’s heart ached for her, and he told her so. 

She smiled, but it did not reach her eyes, ‘Thanks big guy.”

“She was my perfect match,” Danvers continued, “But she had her own responsibilities and I had mine. We parted ways despite me wanting to do nothin’ but stay right there by her side. And I could’ve come back sooner, come back before she got older and-and before all of this.”

She gestured outwards to the world. Thor noticed tears trailing down her cheeks and pooling in the curves of her ears. 

“I wish, I wish I’d had the guts to be brave in my love. To come back and let myself be happy. And now she’s gone and even if we do get everyone back, she’ll still age and die and I’ll be left lonely again,” Danvers voice was so wet. 

Thor found himself brimming with sadness from her tale, and he reached a hand over to wipe some of the tears off of her face awkwardly. She laughed a little at his attempts. 

“Why are you telling me this?” He finally asked. 

She turned her head to him then and he stared into her eyes, deep and reflective and anguished, and said, “Because I don’t want you to give up on what you love like I did. I can tell that you don’t want to face the awful truth of what happened to Loki, to your people. But you have to, if you’re to get them back. I spent too many goddamn years in webs of lies made by others and by myself to watch you suffer the same fate.”

Her wise words struck him deeply and he placed his hand over hers, just so they were touching. He felt a response welling up in him, dignified and proud, that would probably would’ve made Loki chuckle. 

“You are a very brave woman Danvers. You would make an excellent Queen. I will not disrespect your intent by ignoring it. I will try to be more hopeful going forward, for both our sakes,” He replied earnestly. 

She smiled, “Good. Because out of everyone in that palace you’re the only fucking one that can hold your own against me. Which means you’re our best chance other than me at taking this bastard down. The others can follow.” 

Oh. How he liked her. They would be friends for years and years to come. Thor was sure of it. 

"They’ll follow us,” Thor added on. 

She laughed, “Ok, ok. Us.” 

They laid there until the stars had completely consumed the sky and their sweat had dried cold. Danvers stood up first to do a big, full-body stretch. 

“Race you back?” She smirked. 

He was up by her side without fail, “You’re on.”

They both smiled all the way back, and although she absolutely creamed him in their race, he could not be more grateful for her companionship. 

When they got through this, he would urge her to go find that woman. She deserved to follow her own advice. 

And he would look forward, for Loki’s sake. They would come together, as a team, and beat Thanos.

Or purple menace. As she had put it. Which is what Thor decided to call him from now on. 

He dreamed of Loki, of children wailing in the distance. He was unsure of what to make of these dreams, but he woke up determined nonetheless. He owed it to everyone who wasn’t in that room to fight. 

He had to.

**Author's Note:**

> If this fic made you feel something then please leave your thoughts in the comments! I read and appreciate all comments and kudos. I write fics for no-charge, to satisfy my own plot bunnies and provide good reading material for you guys! So thank you for reading! <3 
> 
> \- King


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